Your Body Is Not Your Enemy: How to Stop Fighting It and Start Supporting It

When was the last time you thought about your body with gratitude instead of frustration?

Not a checklist of everything you'd like to change. Not a comparison to how you looked ten years ago. Not another mental inventory of the weight you want to lose, the energy you wish you had, the sleep you're not getting, or all the ways your body doesn't seem to be cooperating anymore.

Just gratitude.

For many women, especially in midlife, that's a surprisingly difficult question. I understand. I've been there too. And I'm still working on it.

But after years of working in health, fitness, and wellness, I've come to see the body very differently.

Your body is not your enemy. It isn't deliberately working against you. It's responding—to your thoughts, your stress, your movement, your sleep, your nourishment, your beliefs, your breath, your hormones, and the life you're asking it to live.

And when we stop approaching the body as something that needs to be fought into submission and start asking how we can support it, everything begins to look different.

Your Mind and Body Aren't Separate

For a long time, health was approached as though the mind and body were two separate systems.

Physical problem? Treat the body. Emotional problem? Deal with the mind.

But that's not how human beings actually work. Your mind and body are in constant communication.

Think about what happens when you're stressed. Your chest tightens. Your shoulders creep toward your ears. Your breathing changes. Your stomach may become unsettled. Your sleep gets disrupted. Your energy drops.

Something happening in your mind or your life has produced a very real physical response.

But here's the fascinating part: That communication goes in the other direction too. The way you move, breathe, stand, and physically carry yourself sends information back to your brain. Your body is constantly providing data to your nervous system.

Which means sometimes you don't have to wait until you feel better before you act differently. Sometimes you can use the body to help change the way you feel.

Sometimes You Have to Move First

I tested this myself one evening when my husband had an important work event.

I was exhausted. Before we even left, I remember standing in front of the mirror thinking: I genuinely do not have it in me tonight.

I wanted to show up for my husband because the evening mattered to him, so I decided to experiment with something I'd been learning about the mind-body connection.

I turned on a couple of my favorite songs and danced. I smiled. I showered, put on makeup and a fun dress, stood a little taller, and acted like I was excited to go.

Not because I actually felt energetic. I didn't. I acted as if I had access to that energy.

And somewhere between dancing and arriving at the event, something shifted. I didn't suddenly become a completely different person. I wasn't magically bursting with energy. But I had enough of a shift to be present, engaged—and genuinely enjoy myself.

Psychologist William James proposed more than a century ago that the relationship between emotion and behavior doesn't necessarily travel in only one direction. We tend to think: When I feel energized, I'll move. When I feel confident, I'll act confident. When I feel happy, I'll smile.

But sometimes we can reverse the order. Act first. Let the feeling follow.

Movement Changes More Than Your Muscles

Psychiatrist and researcher Dr. John Ratey has spent years examining the relationship between exercise and the brain.

Movement isn't simply something we do to burn calories or change our bodies. It affects the brain. Physical activity influences neurochemicals involved in mood, attention, motivation, and well-being. It can help us feel more focused, capable, creative, and resilient.

In other words, sometimes you can literally move your way toward feeling differently.

Stanford researcher Dr. Alia Crum has explored another fascinating piece of this relationship: mindset. In one well-known study involving hotel housekeepers, researchers changed the way one group thought about the physical activity they were already doing at work. Their actual jobs didn't change—but their understanding of that activity did. The study found physiological changes in the informed group over the study period.

It's a fascinating reminder that: How you move matters—and how you think about what you're doing may matter too.

The "As If" Principle

This connects to a tool I use in coaching called the As If Principle, explored by psychologist Richard Wiseman and rooted in some of William James's early ideas.

The concept is simple: If you want to feel or become a certain way, experiment with acting as if you already have access to that version of yourself.

Want to feel more confident? How would you stand if you felt confident? How would you walk into the room? How would you speak?

Want more energy? What would energized-you do next?

Want to become someone who takes care of herself? What would that woman choose today?

This isn't about pretending. And I don't particularly like the phrase fake it till you make it. I prefer: Faith it till you make it.

Have faith that you can get there—and begin behaving in alignment with where you're going. Because perhaps the confident, strong, energized woman you're looking for isn't some imaginary future version of you. You've probably seen glimpses of her before. You're simply practicing finding your way back to her.

What If Your Body Doesn't Need Fixing?

This is where I think many of us need a significant reframe.

We often relate to our bodies in one of two ways. We ignore them—pushing through exhaustion, overriding signals, staying up too late, running on caffeine, and expecting the body to keep performing indefinitely. Or we go into fix-it mode. Restrict harder. Exercise harder. Start another diet. Find another program. Promise ourselves that this time we're finally going to get our bodies under control.

But both approaches begin with essentially the same assumption: My body is the problem.

What if we replaced that with a different question? Instead of: What do I need to fix about my body? Ask: What does my body need from me in order to thrive?

That's a very different conversation.

Your Muscles Are Talking to Your Brain

Health psychologist Kelly McGonigal explores some fascinating research on movement in her book The Joy of Movement.

When muscles contract during physical activity, they release signaling molecules called myokines. Some researchers and science communicators have described certain exercise-related myokines as "hope molecules" because of their potential role in brain health, stress resilience, mood, and other physiological processes.

Think about how different that is from the way many of us learned to think about exercise. Movement isn't simply: How many calories did I burn? How many miles did I walk? Did I work hard enough?

Your muscles are active endocrine organs communicating with the rest of your body—including your brain. Movement can help us feel strong. Capable. Connected. Alive.

And that is a much more compelling reason to move than punishing yourself for something you ate yesterday.

Find Movement That Makes You Want to Come Back

Early in my fitness career, I worked with adults who weren't exercising because they wanted to.

Some were there because their doctors had frightened them into it. Others had spent years associating exercise with embarrassment, punishment, or failure—sometimes going all the way back to physical education classes when they were kids.

That experience was actually one of the reasons I eventually went into education. I wanted children to have a different relationship with movement. I wanted them to discover ways of moving their bodies that made them feel successful, empowered, capable, and joyful—because that's the kind of relationship with physical activity that has a chance of lasting a lifetime.

And I still believe that.

You don't necessarily need a harder workout. You may need a different relationship with movement. Walk. Strength train. Swim. Garden. Ride your bike. Dance around your kitchen.

Find something that reminds you: My body can do things. Not: My body needs to be punished until it looks different.

And Don't Forget Recovery

Supporting your body also means allowing it to recover.

Stress isn't inherently bad. Exercise itself is a form of physical stress. But stress without adequate recovery eventually becomes a problem.

Your body needs sleep. Rest. Nourishment. Periods when your nervous system isn't being asked to perform, solve, react, produce, and push.

Recovery isn't evidence that you're lazy. Recovery is part of the process.

For Me, This Is Also About Faith

There's another reason I've begun thinking differently about the way I treat my body. My faith.

1 Corinthians 6:19–20 reminds us that our bodies are temples. I've heard that verse many times. But I think about it differently now.

A temple isn't something you criticize into submission. It isn't something you hate until it changes. It's something you honor and care for.

Taking care of your body isn't vanity. It's stewardship. It's recognizing that the physical life you've been given is worth tending—not simply because of how your body looks, but because of everything it allows you to carry into the world.

Your energy. Your presence. Your relationships. Your gifts. Your purpose. Your ability to show up for the people and things that matter to you.

Taking care of yourself isn't selfish. It may be one of the most faithful things you do.

One Question to Ask Yourself This Week

I don't want you to finish reading this and create another giant list of things you need to do better. That would defeat the entire point.

Instead, ask yourself one question: What is one way I can support my body this week?

Not fix it. Not punish it. Support it.

Maybe it's a ten-minute morning walk. Going to bed 30 minutes earlier. Drinking more water. Eating one slower, more intentional meal. Taking three deep breaths before reacting to something stressful.

Or my personal favorite: Put on one song you love and move. Dance in the kitchen. Move around the living room. Do whatever feels good.

And don't wait until you feel motivated. That's the point. Move first. Let your body respond.

Then notice how you feel afterward—not only physically, but emotionally.

Your body has been responding to your life all along. This week, give it something good to respond to.

Podcast

This article is based on Episode 5 of Made for More: Holistic Health and Purpose for Women in Midlife — Your Body Is Not Your Enemy.

Listen to Made for More:

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Your body isn't a problem to solve. It's a system to support.