Why You Feel So Exhausted All the Time — And What Your Body Is Actually Trying to Tell You
Why Are You So Exhausted All the Time?
When was the last time you woke up and felt genuinely rested?
Not "I got seven hours, so I should feel fine" kind of rested. Actually rested. Energized. Ready to take on the day with vigor.
If you're still trying to remember the last time that happened, you're not alone. One of the things I hear most often from the women I work with is some version of this: "Karen, I am SO tired. All the time. And I don't understand why. I'm sleeping. I'm trying to eat well. I'm exercising when I can. And I still feel like I'm running on empty."
If that sounds familiar, your body may be trying to tell you something. Because when we're talking about feeling truly, bone-deep exhausted, we're not always talking about a sleep problem. Sometimes, we're talking about a stress problem.
Your Stress Response Is Designed to Protect You
Your body has an incredible built-in survival system commonly known as the fight-or-flight response.
When you encounter a stressor, your sympathetic nervous system springs into action. Stress hormones are released. Your heart rate increases. Your breathing quickens. Blood is redirected toward your muscles and heart. Digestion slows.
All of this happens automatically because your body is preparing you to survive a threat. And that's fantastic when the threat is a saber-toothed tiger.
The problem? Your body doesn't necessarily distinguish between the tiger and the person who just stole the parking space you were waiting for. Your physiology still prepares you to respond.
But modern-day "tigers" don't disappear. They're the morning news. The endless notifications. Worrying about your parents or your kids. The mental load of managing a household. A demanding career. Relationship stress. Financial concerns. The never-ending list of things that need your attention.
Your cavewoman biology may be mobilizing an entire physiological army to battle a prehistoric monster when you're actually sitting in your car gripping the steering wheel. And all that mobilized energy has nowhere to go.
When stressors come one after another, your body may not get enough opportunity to fully recover. And that can be exhausting.
Are You Tired... But Wired?
Sleep is something I have struggled with - a lot. For years, I would wake up tired, go through the entire day tired, drag myself through everything I needed to do, collapse into bed... and then be unable to sleep because my brain wouldn't turn off.
Or I'd fall asleep and wake up later with racing thoughts, unable to get back to sleep. Many times, I wouldn't be able to fall asleep at all.
Tired but wired.
It's something I also hear frequently from women in their 40s and 50s. Your body is exhausted, but your nervous system is still in GO mode—still scanning, still anticipating, still waiting for the next thing it needs to handle.
The answer isn't always to push harder. It isn't necessarily another cup of coffee. Sometimes what your body needs is help shifting out of constant activation and back toward a state of recovery.
Cortisol Isn't the Enemy
Cortisol gets a bad reputation, but cortisol itself isn't bad. We need it.
Under normal circumstances, cortisol follows a daily rhythm. It's generally higher in the morning, helping us wake up and have energy for the day, and gradually declines toward nighttime as the body prepares for sleep. Higher in the morning. Lower at night.
Chronic stress can interfere with that natural rhythm. And if you're in perimenopause or menopause, there's another layer to consider. Hormonal changes—including declining progesterone—can affect sleep and the body's response to stress. That can contribute to the frustrating experience of being exhausted in the morning but suddenly wide awake when you should be winding down.
Over time, ongoing stress may also affect sleep, metabolism, cognitive function, mood, and energy. So if you're experiencing fatigue, brain fog, difficulty sleeping, mood changes, or that persistent feeling of running on empty, it's worth looking beyond the question: "Am I getting enough hours of sleep?" Your overall stress and recovery patterns matter too.
The Rain Barrel Effect
One of my favorite ways to explain this comes from Dr. Stephen Cabral's book The Rain Barrel Effect.
Imagine your body as a rain barrel. Every stressor in your life adds another drop. Poor sleep. Anxious thoughts. Work stress. Relationship stress. Processed foods. Environmental exposures. The hormonal changes of midlife. Too much screen exposure at night. Even over-exercising when your body is already depleted.
One drop may not seem significant. But the drops keep coming. Eventually, the barrel can overflow. And that's when your body may start getting louder. Brain fog. Digestive issues. Skin problems. Fatigue. Sleep disruption. Feeling wired and exhausted at the same time.
The goal isn't to somehow create a life with zero stress. That's neither realistic nor necessarily desirable. The better question is: How can I reduce unnecessary stressors, change how I respond to the stress I can't eliminate, and build enough recovery into my life to keep emptying the barrel?
What If Stress Isn't Always the Enemy?
This is where the research gets especially interesting.
Health psychologist Dr. Kelly McGonigal has written extensively about the way our beliefs about stress may influence how we experience it. Research she discusses suggests that experiencing high levels of stress isn't the whole story—how we perceive that stress may matter too. Stanford researcher Dr. Alia Crum has also studied stress mindset and what happens when people learn to view their stress response as potentially helpful rather than automatically harmful.
So imagine you're about to have a difficult conversation or give an important presentation. Your heart starts pounding. Your breathing changes. You feel that familiar surge. Instead of immediately thinking: This stress is terrible for me. Try reframing it: My body is giving me energy and focus to meet this challenge. I can tap into my strengths and resources. I can handle this.
That's a very different message to send yourself. Your body's stress response isn't necessarily evidence that you're falling apart. Sometimes it's your body preparing you to meet what's in front of you.
The Missing Piece: Recovery
We spend a lot of time talking about managing stress. We don't spend nearly enough time talking about recovery.
Think about strength training. When you challenge a muscle, you're creating stress. But you don't become stronger during the workout itself. Adaptation happens when the stress is followed by adequate recovery. Take away the recovery and eventually you don't get stronger. You break down.
The same principle applies more broadly: Stress + recovery = resilience. Stress without recovery = burnout.
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, one of the leading voices in positive psychology and one of the co-creators of the SPIRE model that forms the foundation of my coaching, talks about intentionally creating periods of recovery—or what he calls "islands of sanity." These can happen at different levels.
Micro recoveries might be stepping outside for five minutes, taking three slow breaths between tasks, or sitting quietly before moving into the next part of your day.
Mid-level recoveries could be a full night of restorative sleep, a genuine day off, a long walk in nature, engaging in a hobby you love, or uninterrupted time with someone who matters to you.
Macro recoveries are the bigger resets—a real vacation or sustained period of downtime where you actually disconnect from the demands of everyday life.
Now ask yourself: How much intentional recovery is actually built into my life? For many women, the answer is not much. And that may be one piece of why you're so tired.
Three Things You Can Start Doing
Understanding what's happening is useful. But I'm a coach. I want you to have something you can actually do.
1. Get outside in the morning
Try to get outside within about 30 minutes of waking. Morning natural light helps reinforce your body's circadian rhythm and gives your brain an important signal that daytime has begun.
It doesn't have to become another complicated wellness ritual. Step outside. Get some natural morning light - without sunglasses. Even a few minutes is a start. (no, you do not need to look at the sun!)
2. Create a buffer between your busy day and sleep
I like a simple 6-3-2-1 framework:
6 hours before bed: stop caffeine—or earlier if you're particularly sensitive to it.
3 hours before bed: finish heavy meals.
2 hours before bed: stop working and problem-solving when possible.
1 hour before bed: reduce glowing screens and give your brain a chance to wind down.
Think of it as gradually telling your body: The day is ending. You don't have to stay on high alert anymore.
3. Pay attention to how your workouts make you feel
If you've exercised intensely for years but suddenly your body isn't responding the way it used to, pay attention. If you're already exhausted and running on empty, piling grueling exercise on top of an already stressed system may add to your total load.
That doesn't mean stop exercising. Movement matters. But you may benefit from adjusting the type, intensity, or recovery around your workouts. Strength training. Walking. Restorative movement. Dancing—which, if you know me, you know I happen to love.
Ask yourself: Does the way I'm moving my body ultimately give me energy—or continually leave me depleted?
Your Challenge This Week
I think many of us learned somewhere along the way that pushing through is virtuous. Rest is lazy. Needing recovery means we're weak.
I want to challenge that. Your body is not a machine. It is a temple. And temples require care.
So ask yourself: Where in my life am I running on empty right now? And: What is one thing I could do this week to start refilling the tank?
Don't overhaul everything. Choose one micro recovery every day. Three to five minutes. Step outside. Take three slow breaths. Close your eyes and do nothing for five minutes. Take a quiet pause before a meeting or before walking through the door at home.
Just a few minutes. Every day. And notice how you feel by the end of the week.
Podcast
Prefer to listen or watch? Find Made for More: Holistic Health and Purpose for Women in Midlife on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube.
